It's been just under a year now since my last post! this shows that there's been quite a f e changes in my lifestyle and to be honest it hasnt really been that positive.
As much as I'd like to enjoy life, somehow it keeps hitting me in the face and holding me back. I try my hardest in day to day activities but life is just boring back in Worcester! That's right, I'm back here and not in LEeds anymore. Why? cos I messed up and ended up pretty much failing my year at university due to drug addictions and lack of communication with the most important thing up there, uni. I was devestated to have to take this turn in my life but I brought it all upon myself so for that i cannot be excused. How did it happen you may ask? Well, its pretty simple. Although I was creating high quality work for uni, i still managed to miss the deadlines, which to me weren't as important as i thought. and because of this i was downgraded quite a lot. On top of that, because I had already completed this year at uni 3 years before this one I decided not to turn up to as many lessons as i should. This meant that I was not interacting with the people on my course and thus failing on meeting people with the same interests as I have. To this day i still ask myself the question as to why I failed in so many ways when i was so confident this time last year.
It's quite funny as to how i was always banging on about never look back, there is no such thing as regret, as regret leads to depression. Well here I am in the depression. But, at least, it's not due to regrets! I'm feeling very low somedays due to the inactivity of my life at the moment. I have no job, I'm not at college and I do not sell drugs anymore. So, when it comes to socialising, i have about 2 people that i talk to at the moment.
The rest of the people i know in Worcester are to busy with their lives or simply, they are too boring, they have nothing to say for themselves. I need stimulation, creation and happyness. somehow all of these are not in the right shelf at the moment, seems like they're hard to grab. Each time i try and grab one, its just like a book falling, hits me square in the face and im struck back down. Down in the brown town.
What i need really is, someone i can talk to (my age), a job (meet new people) and i reckon that with them 2 things it could get better. But on top of all the shit stuff going on at the moment i have to attend court again in the new year! I'm not sure it's going to go well. i might end up locked up, and if thats the case, i will have no girlfriend but i might find a job. anyway i do not want to rant and keep writing about this as it's making me sad just thinking about it. Peace out and hopefully catch up soon as writing makes me feel good.
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