It's been just under a year now since my last post! this shows that there's been quite a f e changes in my lifestyle and to be honest it hasnt really been that positive.
As much as I'd like to enjoy life, somehow it keeps hitting me in the face and holding me back. I try my hardest in day to day activities but life is just boring back in Worcester! That's right, I'm back here and not in LEeds anymore. Why? cos I messed up and ended up pretty much failing my year at university due to drug addictions and lack of communication with the most important thing up there, uni. I was devestated to have to take this turn in my life but I brought it all upon myself so for that i cannot be excused. How did it happen you may ask? Well, its pretty simple. Although I was creating high quality work for uni, i still managed to miss the deadlines, which to me weren't as important as i thought. and because of this i was downgraded quite a lot. On top of that, because I had already completed this year at uni 3 years before this one I decided not to turn up to as many lessons as i should. This meant that I was not interacting with the people on my course and thus failing on meeting people with the same interests as I have. To this day i still ask myself the question as to why I failed in so many ways when i was so confident this time last year.
It's quite funny as to how i was always banging on about never look back, there is no such thing as regret, as regret leads to depression. Well here I am in the depression. But, at least, it's not due to regrets! I'm feeling very low somedays due to the inactivity of my life at the moment. I have no job, I'm not at college and I do not sell drugs anymore. So, when it comes to socialising, i have about 2 people that i talk to at the moment.
The rest of the people i know in Worcester are to busy with their lives or simply, they are too boring, they have nothing to say for themselves. I need stimulation, creation and happyness. somehow all of these are not in the right shelf at the moment, seems like they're hard to grab. Each time i try and grab one, its just like a book falling, hits me square in the face and im struck back down. Down in the brown town.
What i need really is, someone i can talk to (my age), a job (meet new people) and i reckon that with them 2 things it could get better. But on top of all the shit stuff going on at the moment i have to attend court again in the new year! I'm not sure it's going to go well. i might end up locked up, and if thats the case, i will have no girlfriend but i might find a job. anyway i do not want to rant and keep writing about this as it's making me sad just thinking about it. Peace out and hopefully catch up soon as writing makes me feel good.
Tuesday 15 November 2011
Monday 15 November 2010
November 2010
12/11/2010
My first of a long list of blogs. As i mentioned before im simply using this as diary based posts. The reason why im doing this is i simply dont spend enough time writing into my notepad simply due to the work im doing now which is computer based work only.
This weekend just gone was amazing. I finished work at around 4pm on Friday the 12th then straight to Manchester to meet my old friend Gemma O'Sullivan. The plan for the evening was to chill, have a few drinks and go see Mungo's Hifi. I chose to go on the train to manchester simply because i had not bought a ticket anywhere else and id simply left it too late. On the way to Manchester Picadilly i met a girl called Laura from Leeds. We got chatting about the Warehouse Project in Manchester. She was going to a minimal tech night down there with a few friends of hers. Chatting to her made me feel real good, reminded me how much im in dear need of having a girlfriend i can just chat and avalaf with. Its a strange thing being in a relationship for me simply because i have been in one since i was 16. Thats five years ago!dont worry i havent been lonely and on my own since. Ive met loads of lovely and amazing people since then. I still think the whole relationship thing is over-rated sometimes. Im very split-mided when it comes to it.
Hey ho-i made it to manchester and wished Laura a good night and she did the same for me - she noted down the name of a nightclub in Leeds that put on good nights. Its a place where students don't really go and she said it would be a good place to meet real good level headed open minded people like me and her. I look forward to going there.
From manchester piccadilly i had to jump onto a intercity train to Gem's casa. After trying to get onto 4 different trains and wasting an hour in the train station i made it to Mauldeth Road and walked to Gem's house. The night went really well, i had a right laugh and it was just real cool to hang out with old friends. Moving up to Leeds for me was a challenge at first, but the more i think about it, it was such a good decision. Its moved me closer to people that i had nearly lost touch with simply due to the situation i was in back at home in Worcester. Gemma is the only person i have known for the longest in the UK-we were talking about it when wee got home-weve known each other for 8 years!mad times.
On saturday i decided to go to Birmingham, I needed to see my friend Joe as it was not only his birthday but a leaving party for him. Joe is a ski instructor in Austria over the wintertime - such a lucky boi, i wish i could be doing something like that. but then like i always say good things come to those who wait.
I jumped on the megabus to cruise down to Brum - £.3.50 cant complain at all. Once in brum i met up with Jonny a friend of mine from worcester, was a pleasure to see him. we then got onto the bus to the prince of wales in mosely and got the party started. the party was at tiffs house and it went on untill 4-5 o'clock on the sunday afternoon.its always a good ign of a party when the police arrive at a ridiculous time of the morning blackmailing us to cut the music off otherwise they'd send dogs round.anyways we did. It was such a pleasure to see the whole bristol crew as well as a few mates from different sides of the country. Sunday evening i had to get a megabus back to leeds - i managed to get on it which is a sucess for me as the last few times ive travelled away from leeds ive always missed my connections back to leeds for certain different reasons. When i got back i was knackered, still decided to get pissed at 2am though nice.
I love being in Leeds i think it was such a challenge at first, but ive nicely settled in now and the thought of having to go back home just makes me twitch. I think its due to my past back at home and also the simple fact of moving away, is to make you want to stay away from where you moved from. Mentally i feel so much more cleansed and aware of life compared to how i was in august. Physically im begining to look better, im eating correctly, getting some exercise and generally feeling good about the future even though i dont tend to think about it. All is now, life is now, there is a past but you cannot change it so dont spend time regretting things or you'll just drive yourself insane and depressed.learn from your past/mistakes/achievements to forge a better and brighter character. I cant wait to get involved in the music scene up here its going to be brilliant to get my own little thing going on.untill then peace out and catch up with you tomorrow.
22/11/2010
Not much to add really, just a little update on the diary side. Ive decided to start a detox and its well necessary, i keep wanting to do this and its such a hard thing but ive got the right mind set to do it. Over the last week ive had serious sleeping disorder. not sleeping at all since tuesday-not cool.
23/11/2010
Somehow this morning, I kept waking up with really lucid dreams. These wake me up in shakes and different places in my bedroom. My lucid dreaming sometimes is so strong that I wake up thinking i've already done a lot of daily activities. note to self: keep a dream diary next to my bedside table and start noting these dreams down to begging recollecting dreams. Plan for the rest of the day is to do work for uni and focus on keeping a healthy lifestyle. THe last week just gone was a long bender and it gave me a bit of a life scare. Ive decided to lay off a few things for many reasons which include, debt, relationships between my close ones, health, spiritual level, and uni. Its something ive always wanted to do and now that ive made a few people aware of this situation and how much i want to achieve it, i can really see it happen. all the best.catch you laterz. buy the ticket take ride.
30/12/2010
Waw, long time no action or words. still not many changes in the lifestyle of the poor, rich and generous. since the last post ive been able to make a few changes in how i perceive, act and enjoy life. As i write, I'm in Belgium, haven't been here in a year's time and thats a long time for me. I guess its a big relief being here. It reminds me of how i was before i moved t the UK - but i have lost and missed out on quite a lot. Ive lost all my friends and relationships i had going on here, all that is left is the family. But recently, ive been saying without your family, youre nothing! you've only got one family and you should try and make efforts to put them forwards instead of your friends at needed times. that is a problem i have had to overcome in the last year-being able to make my own decisions - and not let the life of others rule mine! Sometimes I wish i could dream in the day and enjoy this with someone else, i have a few new years resolution and a huge to do list for 2011 - i can't wait! get this year over and done with. It was the worst but also one of the luckiest years in my whole life. From now on its upwards only :) - that make me smile. by keeping myself busy, i will be able to prove not only to myself but also to the ones i love that i am able of realizing and completing my dreams instead of tucking them away under the sheets. life as a foreign drug eater has its ups and downs and i know it works that way for everyone.yesterday i found myself doing something i had never done. I spent over an hour exercising and flexing that body to then go to the swimming pool to release that energy and let it flow. such a good feeling at the time.im paying for it right now though and having troubles walking!its jokes!
My first of a long list of blogs. As i mentioned before im simply using this as diary based posts. The reason why im doing this is i simply dont spend enough time writing into my notepad simply due to the work im doing now which is computer based work only.
This weekend just gone was amazing. I finished work at around 4pm on Friday the 12th then straight to Manchester to meet my old friend Gemma O'Sullivan. The plan for the evening was to chill, have a few drinks and go see Mungo's Hifi. I chose to go on the train to manchester simply because i had not bought a ticket anywhere else and id simply left it too late. On the way to Manchester Picadilly i met a girl called Laura from Leeds. We got chatting about the Warehouse Project in Manchester. She was going to a minimal tech night down there with a few friends of hers. Chatting to her made me feel real good, reminded me how much im in dear need of having a girlfriend i can just chat and avalaf with. Its a strange thing being in a relationship for me simply because i have been in one since i was 16. Thats five years ago!dont worry i havent been lonely and on my own since. Ive met loads of lovely and amazing people since then. I still think the whole relationship thing is over-rated sometimes. Im very split-mided when it comes to it.
Hey ho-i made it to manchester and wished Laura a good night and she did the same for me - she noted down the name of a nightclub in Leeds that put on good nights. Its a place where students don't really go and she said it would be a good place to meet real good level headed open minded people like me and her. I look forward to going there.
From manchester piccadilly i had to jump onto a intercity train to Gem's casa. After trying to get onto 4 different trains and wasting an hour in the train station i made it to Mauldeth Road and walked to Gem's house. The night went really well, i had a right laugh and it was just real cool to hang out with old friends. Moving up to Leeds for me was a challenge at first, but the more i think about it, it was such a good decision. Its moved me closer to people that i had nearly lost touch with simply due to the situation i was in back at home in Worcester. Gemma is the only person i have known for the longest in the UK-we were talking about it when wee got home-weve known each other for 8 years!mad times.
On saturday i decided to go to Birmingham, I needed to see my friend Joe as it was not only his birthday but a leaving party for him. Joe is a ski instructor in Austria over the wintertime - such a lucky boi, i wish i could be doing something like that. but then like i always say good things come to those who wait.
I jumped on the megabus to cruise down to Brum - £.3.50 cant complain at all. Once in brum i met up with Jonny a friend of mine from worcester, was a pleasure to see him. we then got onto the bus to the prince of wales in mosely and got the party started. the party was at tiffs house and it went on untill 4-5 o'clock on the sunday afternoon.its always a good ign of a party when the police arrive at a ridiculous time of the morning blackmailing us to cut the music off otherwise they'd send dogs round.anyways we did. It was such a pleasure to see the whole bristol crew as well as a few mates from different sides of the country. Sunday evening i had to get a megabus back to leeds - i managed to get on it which is a sucess for me as the last few times ive travelled away from leeds ive always missed my connections back to leeds for certain different reasons. When i got back i was knackered, still decided to get pissed at 2am though nice.
I love being in Leeds i think it was such a challenge at first, but ive nicely settled in now and the thought of having to go back home just makes me twitch. I think its due to my past back at home and also the simple fact of moving away, is to make you want to stay away from where you moved from. Mentally i feel so much more cleansed and aware of life compared to how i was in august. Physically im begining to look better, im eating correctly, getting some exercise and generally feeling good about the future even though i dont tend to think about it. All is now, life is now, there is a past but you cannot change it so dont spend time regretting things or you'll just drive yourself insane and depressed.learn from your past/mistakes/achievements to forge a better and brighter character. I cant wait to get involved in the music scene up here its going to be brilliant to get my own little thing going on.untill then peace out and catch up with you tomorrow.
22/11/2010
Not much to add really, just a little update on the diary side. Ive decided to start a detox and its well necessary, i keep wanting to do this and its such a hard thing but ive got the right mind set to do it. Over the last week ive had serious sleeping disorder. not sleeping at all since tuesday-not cool.
23/11/2010
Somehow this morning, I kept waking up with really lucid dreams. These wake me up in shakes and different places in my bedroom. My lucid dreaming sometimes is so strong that I wake up thinking i've already done a lot of daily activities. note to self: keep a dream diary next to my bedside table and start noting these dreams down to begging recollecting dreams. Plan for the rest of the day is to do work for uni and focus on keeping a healthy lifestyle. THe last week just gone was a long bender and it gave me a bit of a life scare. Ive decided to lay off a few things for many reasons which include, debt, relationships between my close ones, health, spiritual level, and uni. Its something ive always wanted to do and now that ive made a few people aware of this situation and how much i want to achieve it, i can really see it happen. all the best.catch you laterz. buy the ticket take ride.
30/12/2010
Waw, long time no action or words. still not many changes in the lifestyle of the poor, rich and generous. since the last post ive been able to make a few changes in how i perceive, act and enjoy life. As i write, I'm in Belgium, haven't been here in a year's time and thats a long time for me. I guess its a big relief being here. It reminds me of how i was before i moved t the UK - but i have lost and missed out on quite a lot. Ive lost all my friends and relationships i had going on here, all that is left is the family. But recently, ive been saying without your family, youre nothing! you've only got one family and you should try and make efforts to put them forwards instead of your friends at needed times. that is a problem i have had to overcome in the last year-being able to make my own decisions - and not let the life of others rule mine! Sometimes I wish i could dream in the day and enjoy this with someone else, i have a few new years resolution and a huge to do list for 2011 - i can't wait! get this year over and done with. It was the worst but also one of the luckiest years in my whole life. From now on its upwards only :) - that make me smile. by keeping myself busy, i will be able to prove not only to myself but also to the ones i love that i am able of realizing and completing my dreams instead of tucking them away under the sheets. life as a foreign drug eater has its ups and downs and i know it works that way for everyone.yesterday i found myself doing something i had never done. I spent over an hour exercising and flexing that body to then go to the swimming pool to release that energy and let it flow. such a good feeling at the time.im paying for it right now though and having troubles walking!its jokes!
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